Things I Learned in 2020

2020, a stressful and depressing year indeed. A lot happened that caused my mental health. I thought the year was a lost cause, but it somehow got me so productive. I learned new things and checked off something on my 30 before 30 lists.

I somehow figured out what I want, and that made me happy. I just have to do it one at a time to get it. This year, I deeply learned so many lessons in love and life in general. I don’t have any regrets. The things that were so a big deal to me the past years do not affect me anymore. I don’t care about it at all. Although something happened this year that made me question my worth and left me with insecurities and doubts about myself, I feel that I’m stronger than my emotions now. And I thank God I was able to pull it through. He gave me the strength to overcome the trials that came to me. I grow more as a person.

I also never thought I will end the year with the same person I started it with. I'm happy.

These are the lessons I learned in 2020:

I don't remember.

I find solace in knowing we can erase our memories from the past, especially when it's painful and traumatic to the point that it haunts us and triggers our anxieties and phobias. The brain can block unwanted memories out of consciousness. That is the reason why some of the memories are now blurry, and some are gone because when we are not revisiting it, we are blocking them out. When we don't recall it, and we're pushing it from the back of our mind, we're summoning alternative memories to substitute the unwanted ones.

Things I Learned in 2019

2019 was great! My heart was full of love and gratefulness. I forgave the people who didn’t even ask for my forgiveness, started to love myself more, and I embraced the person I am today, which I wasn’t able to do in 2018. I’ve learned so much about myself and life itself. It’s so crazy and amazing how much I’ve grown as a person. It’s better. I am better than before. I feel like those who know me will have to get to know me again.

To the person who had made such an impact on me, thank you so much! You have helped me get here. You made me change my way of thinking. You made me realize and see the good things despite the self-hate in the past year. You changed me into a better version of myself.

Here’s what I’ve learned in 2019:

Things I Learned in 2018:

I’ve been MIA since December because I got so busy doing some stuff, and I considered deactivating this blog for some reason, but I guess I only need some time off, and just blog whenever I feel like it.

I know you always read this line everywhere, but I’m still going to say this—2018 had been a roller coaster ride for me. I’m not going into details, but yeah, I wasn’t myself. But 2018 was the year I embraced my flaws and imperfections, and I love myself more. It’s a yay! LOL.

Okay, enough for my blabbering. I want to share the things I learned last year. Here we go!

Rea, The Little Mermaid (lol)

Little Mermaid has been one of my favorite Disney movies, and Ariel is still on top of my favorite princesses. I don’t know how many times I had watched The Little Mermaid when I was a kid and why I love Ariel so much even though I never wanted to become one.

Watching the animation again made me realize why because I can relate to her. Ariel wasn’t able to do all the things she wanted to do because of her strict father. And when she sang the Part of Your World? Oh, boy, I felt it. Haha. That was the only Disney song I had memorized, though. Perhaps deep down I knew, and I understood it when I was a kid but hadn’t given enough thought about it until today.

Rea's 30 before 30 list

I created the list a year ago (January 7, 2017, to be exact). I didn’t publish it because I cannot execute them properly and someone told me to change the title to ‘Before I Die’ but I then decided to push its original title.

For those who don’t have any idea what is 30 before 30, it’s basically 30 things I want to achieve or want to accomplish before I turn 30. I just turned 21 this month, so I have 9 years to get all of these done. Hopefully, I can figure out what I really want in the process.

The list consists of work, life, and travel-related stuff.

It’s not hard to say goodbye sometimes.

I am patient, reasonable & empathetic, and I think these are the reasons why I never get angry. I always analyze things and come up with explanations for their actions, like I need to understand why people act/behave the way they do so I can handle certain situations and unfair behaviors maturely. I believe it’s logical and is the right thing to do—things happen in this world, and you just need to accept it.

Perhaps, that is the reason why I am angry right now. I couldn’t come up with explanations as to why I did things I shouldn’t have done. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I did it anyway. I don’t regret anything, I just don’t like that when it happened, voila! No communication. I expected it, though. But, after saying your “hello,” you should’ve said “goodbye.” It’s common courtesy, you know—If only you did the thing I’m asking you to do the first time we started talking, then, I guess I’m not going to feel angry.

But, then, maybe at some point in my life, I felt this emotion before, but I didn’t react or chose not to show or express it to anyone. And now that I don’t repress & suppress this negative emotion, I don’t know what to do about it because it’s new to me.
I should forgive myself.

Things I learned in 2017:

1. Your friend will ditch you for his/her girlfriend/boyfriend.
2. Not everyone will be there when you need them.
3. Not everyone can be as understanding, has the same heart and emotional intelligence as you.
4. It’s okay if you still don’t know what you want to do with your life. Don’t rush things because you’ll know it soon.
5. Patience, hard work, dedication, perseverance, and persistence are valuable skills upon entering the real world.
6. If you expect things from other people, of course, you’ll be disappointed, but don’t hold it against them.
7. Mothers know best! Listen to them always.
8. It’s okay to feel things even the negative ones, but do not let your emotions control your action. Be rational.
9. Social media is not good for someone’s mental health. Take a break from it, and deactivate all your accounts for as long as you want.
10. Don’t just go with the flow. Stop wasting time on meaningless conversations and temporary people. No sense in having conversations with no substance and liking someone which you don’t connect with.
11. If you keep justifying things you know are wrong, you’re just going to commit more sin and will suffer the consequences of it later.
12. Opposites attract only applies in physics and not in a relationship. You will not get along with someone if you two have different values, beliefs, morals, ethics, and principles. The phrase should be ‘like attracts like,’ and not 'opposites attract.’

Things that make me sad.

• When I sometimes feel like there’s no one I can talk to.

• When I get disappointed because I always expect too much from people.

• When people who are close to me are sad.

• When I feel like I’m being ignored.

• Seeing old people working hard and children in the streets selling and begging for money and food.

• Judging other people without trying to get to know them first.

I bought a domain name! Yay!

When I started blogging back in 2009, I wasn’t that serious, I didn’t know how it works at first—I don’t know what made me love it now. Maybe because the bloggers I’ve met even in real life, the likes, comments, and questions I have been receiving from them, or the bloggers who have been following me until now (another blog) even when I’m not that active anymore.
Blogging is just one of my hobbies. It’s my online diary and an outlet of my emotions. I write what’s on my mind, and I don’t even proofread my posts, I just write, write, write and write.

How much I can relate to Lara Jean Song Covey from To All The Boys I've Loved Before:

It seems like Jenny Han based the character of Song girls on me and my sisters—Kitty is like my oldest sister and Margot is like my middle sister. They are all Potterhead, just like us.
-Lara Jean’s favorite harry potter book is Prisoner of Azkaban.
-She always wonders about the road not taken.
-She’s a cry baby.
-Shy.
-Never stays mad for long.
-She smells good and people can smell her even when they’re not that even close.
-She’s 5'2.
-Interested in old stuff.
-Always orders the same food in a restaurant.
-Never tells someone she likes that she likes him. She’s contended to like them secretly or from afar.
-Not ready for responsibilities.
-Paranoid.

I’m not spoiled.

When I want to buy some extravagant and not important things, I cannot ask money from my mom. Oh, yes, I can but she doesn’t give me. And when I want to go somewhere to hang out with friends and ask her for money, she’ll give me just for transportation only.
Those who don’t know me would think I’m spoiled. If only they knew that some things I bought, it came from my savings. When I want to buy expensive things, I will give what I just saved to her no matter how much it is. Because in the end, it always costs her more because the money I always saved, does not exceed at Php1,000. Hahaha.
My mom doesn’t like those mothers who always give their children money for no reasons. Mine, if it isn’t about school, and we want something, we should always work hard to get it. After all, all the money I have, it still hers—I still don’t have a job.
Why don’t I force her when I ask for money?

Last night, while watching the episode of PBB (Pinoy Big Brother), when Kisses had an urge to tell her feelings to Marco, and also had a chance to fix their friendship made me think of what if’s. What if I was brave enough to confront him about my feelings, maybe we’re still friends until now because we’ll have closure so there will be no awkward moments between us.
A thought suddenly came to me a while ago. If I told him my feelings then there’s a possibility he’ll pursue me, and I might not be what I am right now—a strong woman. He has changed a lot, and I think I might get hurt because of that change. For sure I’ll still be a weak and stupid girl who always depends on others if the “we” happened.

Happee Birthdae, Harry!

I remember when I was a meddlesome kid, searching through our DVDs I came across the Harry Potter movies by chance. Because of the cover, I know it was okay for me to watch it. The very first scene of The Philosopher’s Stone where Professor Dumbledore apparates in Privet Drive and Professor McGonagall can transform herself into a cat was what made me interested in the story.

Right from that moment, the magic of Harry Potter has captured my heart.

I think I know what I'm going to see in the mirror of erised.

Sometimes our lives can be mundane. We feel like we’re doing the same things over and over so we tend to try something new and different. And here, is where our wants would enter—want to become productive, want to try new things, and want to get out of our comfort zone. But we need money in order for our lives become more exciting and adventurous. And a lack of money has been a major constraint in every person’s life. It becomes a hindrance in pursuing our dreams and stops us from being ourselves.